Monday, September 09, 2013

Alternate Fortune Cookie Sayings

I had 'Panda Express' Chinese take-out for lunch, and found the fortune cookes to be too boring. Thus, I've created some of my own, in the hope they liven things up a bit. Feel free to reply with some, if you're inspired to do so.
  • Avoid doing new things, you might get hurt.
  • Your opinions are frequently wrong.
  • Now is not a good time to invest.
  • Your face betrays you.
  • Other people work harder than you do.
  • Your life has no meaning.
  • Your lucky number is Zero.
  • Avoid having opinions, you might be wrong.
  • Do not finish any projects tomorrow.
  • Avoid doing things that require too much thought.
  • Your efforts are doomed to failure.
  • Ask people for help, pleading stupidity.
  • Insult the nationality of all new people.
  • Your smile looks pathetic, only use it when begging.
  • Your kids will always ignore you.
  • Things are always as they seem.
  • Bad news is coming, in large amounts.
  • Fear your loved ones.
  • Sunrises bode not well for your financial future.
  • Steal everything before your friends stop liking you.
  • Wear red on Tuesdays to avoid a dishonorable death.
  • Cancel all your credit cards before it's too late.
  • Your wishes of last Wednesday will never come true.
  • Buy new underwear before they find out.
  • Several former friends are conspiring against you.
  • Never order fries with that.
  • People's clothes indicate if they like you.
  • Someone knows what you did that time.
  • Invest only in companies starting with the letter F.
  • Learn how to cook roadkill safely. Soon.
  • To see far, sleep on your roof.
  • Learn how to chop the head off an attacker.
  • As of yesterday, praying became useless.
  • The Antichrist was born last week.
  • To kill the bugs, wash all your clothes on hot.
  • Your spouse and your best friend have a secret.
  • When you see the flash, duck, it might help.
  • Horseback riding will be useless in 3 years.
  • Farm animals like you until they smell you.
  • Unplug your lamps and toaster before it's too late.
  • A phone call will soon make you cry loudly.
  • Fear everything, it's safer that way.
  • Put your affairs in order before tomorrow night.
  • Give away your posessions, but don't leave a note.
  • Contemplate everything, but don't commit, ever.
  • Physical pain can help you make hard decisions.
  • To change the inside, change the inside.
  • Lock up your women. 
Have any others?
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